Midnight Thoughts


Midnight Thoughts

  • When should you trust your guts? Can they be 100% right? If not, why did I feel what I felt? What is it?
  • When should you acknowledging your feelings? Only when you are happy? And not when you are sad, angry or upset?
  • When should you express yourself? Say whatever comes to mind and heart without over-analyzing it?


Thoughts and feelings when bottled up. Is it going to be concentrated or will it fade into history?





Phase Two – The Breakdown & Realisation

Start-Up Thoughts

Last couple weeks had been superbly interesting. January 2018 well spent! I went to a weekend acting workshop called Method & Madness, hosted by Vera Chok & Dominic Murphy, an actress & a filmmaker.

I wished I could share this workshop experiences with people who struggling with anxiety or introverts that are facing difficulty to express themselves. All these unique exercises helped us to express ourselves more truthfully and be present. Started with a meditation session that put busyness in life and constant thoughts away and eventually checking in with our presence self. Balloon & singing exercises that triggered our playfulness. Rotational story telling session that did not care how much do you know about the story. It simply just want you to have fun with your wild imagination. Getting into fictional characters and played certain traits definitely forced us to act in certain ways that beyond our true characters. Some exercises helped us getting in touch with our emotions, getting around it as well as acknowledging what thoughts or history behind the emotions. Basically, the switch that would stimulate your happiness and vice versa. Some mindful, body movement and chanting exercises that brought our bodily senses to life. Your body felt the temperature changes, even slightly. The experiences were truly overwhelming!

So glad that I attended this workshop as I can practice some of the exercises in my daily routine. Speak my mind and be presence.


I went to Tioman Surfestival 2018 to film a short documentary (The Making of Tioman Surfestival 2018) about the founder, Hisham Uyub and how they started the surf scene in Tioman Island.

Kris came to helped me out. Met bunch of cool people there, Bahzi (Surf Photographer / Filmmaker from Brunei), Mo (Rip Curl) and many other influential people and start-up founder who had being part of the project for many years. Chatting with these people was so fun and they gave many insight about starting up a company and about life in general.

I was so impressed with how all this community came together and support each other. Despite everyone differences in characters, skills & specialty , they came and work along each other very well. The community spirit is so strong that everyone treat each other like a family member. Everyone has the same vision, to build up their community, create opportunities for their younger generation and improve local economy.

Every night always filled with reggae party and beers which eventually leads to that long deep talks & laughters. Created a memories that would last a lifetime. This is where I fell in love with reggae music and their cultures.

Surfers & Reggae. Beers & Dance. Sun & Fun.  Calm & Chills.

I came back, feeling so fulfilled and happy.

I said to myself  ‘I finally can say that I love my job’

If I could do something without looking at time, I could film all day long as long my camera not overheating.

I glad that my questions was answered and reconfirmed.

The reason that I love documentary filmmaking so much is that every project that I work is different. I had met many people through filmmaking. Getting to know them personally, their stories, their visions & their life principles is what keep me going. I found many individuals had fascinating stories about their life and I want to help them to tell their stories.

Being so introverted

There were times where I tried to be talkative and friendly. Reaching out to strangers which I believed many times it came out awkward.

Coming back to Kuching, feeling so inspired.

I would love to relive the same kind of spirit of community, happiness & joy. I felt so content that I wanted to share my experiences with people that close to me and hopefully they will be impacted.

Unfortunely, it was so quickly drowned by people that I am surrounded myself with.

So many times, I had been demotivated, look down and belittled because of I wanted to chase if life, what I believe in and what I planned to do.


It was very hurtful when it came from people that who are close to you.

I am disappointed, angry & sad.


‘Get a real job!, Go back to Singapore and work, stop wasting your time!, Still spending your parents money ah, Can you do it for free, Give you compensation lah, Help me do for free, You are the most free liao, How much you earn? How you can get credit cards with this job, Lionel can meh, this is a career?!’

Comments like this is what broke me especially when it came out from people that you trust and close to you.

Many started to treat you like a joke, showing fake empathy and disrespect your dream.

This is what I felt personally since starting out to build a filmmaking company.

I want nothing from you but a RESPECT of what I wanted to do with my life.

To a couple of wonderful friends who truly understand me

Always gave me words of encouragement & believe in me. Thank you!

I’m delighted to faced this struggle now as it definitely helped me build my character & understand people better.

I need to take myself more seriously and dream even bigger!

Dreammuch Visuals may started of as a filmmaking company. I believe in 3- 5 years to come,  we are going to expand and grow as influential brands.

Writing this all out now is the only way that I could share my current thoughts.

Letting it all out.

One day, I hope this notes will help those who need it and realise that they are not alone.



Keep Going,

Lionel Benang